With no actual rugby to speak of Cammy, Rory and Iain challenge each other to a series of scavenger hunts across the internet and blog. Where is Dougie Donnelly hiding? Who has committed a fiendish crime against rugby fashion? How will you get to the Lions launch in time?
We’ve included each of the three rounds below so you can play along at home. Paper and pen may be essential. All the answers are on the podcast.
We also round up some of the recent news with comings and goings at Edinburgh and Glasgow as well as ongoing soap opera within the SRU and at the top of World Rugby.
If you can please support former Scotland captain Mike Biggar in his fundraising efforts for NHS charities. Mike was seriously injured in a car crash in 1992 and is trying to take 500 steps around his house over the next month. https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/mike-biggar
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Step one: You’ve been denied access to the British & Irish Lions press launch because you started a Twitter war with possible players and high profile journalists.
The chairman of a soft drink firm, Lord Farquar St. John Dodson-Hetherington-Barr has heard of your plight, and as a new soft-drink partner of the Lions, he says he can pull some strings and get you in.
In return, you have to sing a duet with brand ambassador Gordon Reid and post it on social media You race down to Ayrshire Bulls Millbrae stadium to meet Reid. With which song will Reid serenade his favourite bottle of ginger?
Step two: Having gotten Reid drunk on fizzy pop and posting the duet, you call Lord Dodson-Hetherington-Barr. He’s stiffing you! He had no intention of getting you into the Lions press launch, he just wanted the social media hits.
A mysterious local overhears your conversation. He growls at you from under his cowboy hat: “Just call me Aristotle, kid.”
Aristotle tells you he has his own beef with Lord Dodson-Hetherington-Barr, and offers to put you on to a guy that can get you into the Lions launch. But first he needs to know you’re ready.
You’ve to meet his contact at Fullarton Park – the home of Marr rugby club – tonight, at the time equivalent to the number of games Marr went unbeaten in the Tennent’s Premiership 19/20 season. When are you meeting?
Step three: The car park at Millbrae’s full, so you’ve parked in the nearby Rabbie Burns Birthplace Museum, which you shouldn’t do, except in your imagination for this treasure hunt.
It’s now 5:20pm on June 5th and the car park shuts 10mins after the museum shuts, how long do you have to get your car?
Step four: You meet the mysterious stranger at Fullarton Park, who provides you with false documents. The address is being withheld to the last minute, but he’s heard on the grapevine it’s to be the same venue as the 2020 Six Nations launch.
What’s the venue address and the nearest tube station on the District Line?
Step five: As you continue on your journey for vengeance against Lord D-H-B, you decide to stop at Burton on Kendal services for the night. A dark fog rolls across the hills. This is a place of sorrow.
Your memories come flooding back; the order at Burger King springs to mind. You envisage the receipt, which can also be seen on Twitter @iainski82. (Post dated 05/05/20)
What links the services to a sorry moment in recent Sottish rugby history?
Step six: After a night in the Travelodge, you continue on your journey. Feeling tight, you opt against the M6 toll, and predictably you hit traffic.
As you crawl along, your eyes drift to a broken down car on the hard shoulder.
One of the car occupants has his back to you, but you seem to recognise the contours of the back of his head. They turn around; it’s only Gregor bloody Townsend.
The car appears to be jacked up, but lo and behold, it was actually being lifted by Sean Lamont, while John Leslie had a tinker underneath.
You pull over to offer assistance. Toony tells you they were on their way to a Northampton Saints function at Franklin Gardens. As you’re on the way to London, you offer them a lift. A grateful Toony says he’ll get you in to the fundraising dinner as a thank you.
You check it the map, and what a coincidence, Franklin Gardens is the same number of kilometres away as the number of international caps the three-players won between them. How many km/caps away are you?
Step seven: At the Northampton fund-raiser, you’ve been sat a table with Rugby World Cup winner Matt Dawson.
Halfway through him regaling the story of his “World Cup winning pass to Wilko” – for the fifth time – he receives a phone call and excuses himself. He looks rather animated on the call. He returns to the table, shaking his head.
“Can’t believe he’s concussed again. A super-size tub of protein powder fell out of his cupboard and onto his head. We’re recording Question of Sport (QoS) tomorrow!”
He asks round the table if anyone can be in London tomorrow afternoon. Everyone else is busy, so you tentatively offer your services. He’s a bit unsure, so gives you a trial of your trivia under pressure.
“Who was meant to be my QoS teammate tomorrow? He used to play here between 2013-2018, and in 2016 there was a review into Saint’s by the Concussion Management Review Group after an incident against Leicester on Dec 3rd of that year.”
Step eight: You’re in for QoS and it’s a special anniversary edition featuring some former team captains. As we reach the climax of a close-fought affair, Matt Dawson is providing clues for you and teammate, former QoS captain Ally McCoist, to name the correct association football team. With the clock ticking down he shouts out: “Second word is where they play the PDC Darts Championship. Nicknamed The Rail…”
What answer have you called out to win the show?
Step nine: Having post-QoS drinks, you strike up a conversation with one of your opponents, World Rugby chairman Bill Beaumont. He was particularly impressed with your rugby knowledge, and says he feels you have “good cosmic energy and a vibrant aura.”
Turns out Bill’s joined the list of rugby players with “unconventional” lifestyle views. His favourite website is Goop, and he’s a firm believer in astrology. Bill stares at you intently. He says, in full earnest “I could do with something intuitive like you in my team. If you can sense my star-sign, I’ll put you on the board of World Rugby.” What’s Bill’s sign?
Step ten: Who needs to slum it with the press corps when you’re Bill Beaumont’s spiritual advisor? You’re part of the inner-sanctum now which means better access to Lord Dodson-Heatherington-Barr.
At the pre-launch banquet, you’re sat within striking range.
Having read an article where Lord D-H-B revealed he has a non-lethal shellfish allergy, you throw prawn cocktail at him, some of which lands on Agustin Pichot.
He challenges you to a duel on Rugby 20 on the Playstation. The winner will also be crownded “Coolest Dude at World Rugby”, and the leather jacket which accompanies the title.
Playing as Scotland v Argentina you cross the whitewash to take the lead with the 80mins up. You’re surprised to see the winning try was scored by Matt Scott.
What player did I, Iain Hay, liken his appearance to in my review of the game for The Offside Line?
Congratulations! You are now one of the most influential people in rugby and have a leather jacket to prove it.
There has been a fiendish crime against rugby fashion, but who was it? It is a torrid tale involving dwarves, alcohol, Russian bots, well respected educational figures and of course the odd rugby player…
Step 1: Write the letters A-Z on a piece of paper or in a file on your device. You need to hunt down the clues that match up with a letter. Collect all the correct letters and you will be left with enough to make the name of the culprit! Anyone mentioned in a clue is innocent!
Almost all of these point you to the first initial from a name or word. For example C for Cammy or B for Black (those are not clues). I will usually specify if different letters are needed.
Some will be open to choice, so keep your wits about you and don’t be sure that letter is already taken, until you’ve got letters for all the clues.
Also you can’t just jump ahead and guess by fashion crimes, as you’d end up with Dan Parks sideburns, which I now wish was the answer.
The clues to complete the letters, in no particular order:
- The first letter of each word in the very first sentence written on the Scottish Rugby Blog way back in 2007.
- The first letter of the name of the first (non Rory) commenter on the blog – possibly a Russian spam troll – so don’t click their link! It’s not a million miles from the answer to the first clue.
- The first letter of the surname of a fairly recently retired Scotland rugby international who played both his first and last test matches against Fiji, in Fiji
- The town where England tossed dwarves during RWC 2011. Just so you have to google “England dwarf tossing” (or throwing if you are playing as a family). The Daily Telegraph reported this place as being in Australia – it’s not. I was also going to make you google Les Kiss, of course referring to the recent Irish defence coach.
- Scotland has produced two of the most famous rugby commentating voices, now both sadly inactive. One on TV and one on radio. We need an initial from the first name of one and the surname of the other BUT the choice of which is up to you so you may want to keep your options open until later clues clear things up.
- This initial appears in both names of a former Scotland and B&I Lions SH, who is now running a whisky business in Los Angeles
- The intials of the first and third names of the player who scored the final try in Scotland’s 2019 RWC loss to Japan. This might help you narrow down your choices for one of the earlier clues – as long as you get the player right… *cough* Iain and Cammy *cough*.
- This Scotland and Harlequins Number 8 has scored 9 tries in 43 caps and hails from the fair town of Inverness, we’re looking for the first and last letter in their surname.
- An initial from the head of sport at Loretto school – choose which one wisely.
- All the initials of this former Scotland captain’s first name, now a member of staff at Regent House School in NI. Ruled out as a suspect at the last minute for potential rugby fashion misdemeanours!
There should now be letters left, that when re-arranged will unveil the culprit. Check you got all the possibilities for questions 5 and 9 the right way round before pointing the finger of blame! It’s elementary, my dears…
We’d also like to caveat and say no teachers or businessmen with expensive lawyers have done anything wrong, it’s just a game.
The letters gathered from this scavenger hunt will spell out Cammy’s motto. All clues lead to Dougie Donnelly. Find Dougie and you’ll know you’re in the right place.
- First letter of the surname of the player Cammy suggested “might be worth a punt though for a laugh” after giving him a 2/10 rating.
- Cammy’s review of Grant Stott’s rotten pitch side patter. First letter of the headline.
- First letter of the name of the venue where Dougie Donnelly interviewed Bill Clinton.
- First letter of name of the entertainer who helped Dougie Donnelly to launch the 1997 Great Scottish Junior Fun Run.
- First letter of the headline of Cammy’s first article for the blog.
- First letter of the headline of the article where Cammy described a retiring player as “Part Weeble, part Mighty Mouse, Part Ram-Man”.
- First letter of the place Berwick Rugby Club stayed night before playing Orkney.
- Score Rory gave Richie Vernon out of 10 in group against South Africa in 2015 World Cup.
- First letter of the type of sofa does the husband want in the 1996 Sterling Furniture Advert which features a Dougie Donnelly voice over.
- Dougie Donnelly hosted an event in 2001 to find Scotland’s greatest ever player. Who was it? Take the first letter of their surname.
- First letter of the name of Dougie Donnelly’s chat show?
- First letter of the model of Dougie Donnelly’s second car which he used to transport his kit when working as a DJ at Shuffles on Sauchiehall Street in Glasgow.